Being there

I just finished reading the eulogy for Steve Jobs, written by his sister, Mona Simpson, striving to muffle my tears as Gracelyn slept just feet away. When I read what his final words were, I thought those could be the words I utter hundreds of times a day marveling, “Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.” as my dear daughter sparkles herself through life. Like Jobs I am entranced by beauty, which, for me is embodied by this sprite-like girl who takes in life through every pore on her skin, absorbing this still-new world around her.

gracelyn-halloween-2011Gracelyn is so alive, present, real, tangible. Watching her I see what it means to discover the outer world. Listening to her I hear what it means to give voice to the inner world. She is my omnipresent reminder to let yesterday fade so as to be open to today. With Gracelyn as my guide I am repeatedly evoked to trust love, life, and my own inner knowing. She is undeniably the most skilled and wisest teacher I’ve ever had (and I’ve had many quality teachers along the way).

In part this post is simply a statement about how an amazing soul, housed in the body of my little girl, is reawakening me to the beautiful journey of life. For me however, it’s also an opportunity to avow two truths about this adventure I’m on as Gracelyn’s mama.

  1. I am blessed to be here, each and every day, each and every moment. Some moments I resist or screw up, yet most are welcomed, savored, and lived with grace. Regardless, being here with her is the best gift of my life.
  2. Being here for Gracelyn is one of my highest aspirations as a mama. Emotionally and physically I want to be open and available for her as she needs me to be — present and real, welcoming who she is in each moment instead of taking her for granted or forgetting to rediscover her anew each day.

5 thoughts on “Being there

  1. Beautiful. You always inspire me so much. I have been feeling so down lately, and i am forgetting to really see julian sometimes. It breaks my heart. so one day at a time. One moment. 🙂

    1. Thank you for your acknowledgement, Katie! The Kabat-Zinn book, Everyday Blessings, has helped me to be more present and thus more fully experience the fullness of Gracelyn’s being. I also believe the luxury of time is so helpful in being present. What I mean by that is that by keeping our lives relatively unfilled with appointments, schedules, et cetera, I’m more open to going with the flow of each moment. Let’s continue to connect, maybe even some over the phone 🙂 to inspire, ground, and support each other. As you wrote in your post yesterday, that tribe is something very important to our family as well. Love to you, Julian, and Alex!

  2. Beautiful, beautiful.I’ve been sending your blogs and Bruce’s to my son, partly with regrets that I didn’t know what you know when I was his mother, but mostly to let him see amazing skilled parenting role models.

    1. Thank you for honoring Bruce and me in this way, Jen. There are so many wonderful resources out there and I’m benefiting from them in how I am as a parent. I’m grateful to have embarked on this path a bit later in life which I think is helpful too. Of course one of the most helpful tools for me as a mom is the work I’ve done on myself through teachings such as More to Life. When my mind runs unchecked by my conscious-self it’s so easy to react to the crazy stories, expectations, fears, and old patterns rather than really being present and actually choosing how I want to be in a given situation. Thank goodness for all the teachers around us…I know they help me have more of the life I really want for myself, my family, and the world.

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